Soul Eater crack fic mania!
by CronaxMakaFTW
Summary: A series of crack one shots and drabbles giving ridiculous reasons for things that aren't explained and other weird things. Collab with fallingforwerewolves. R&R :)
1. It all started

"Shinigami-sama," Stein cleared his throat "Who is Kidd's mother?" He asked curiously, he had wondered for years. Shiningami-sama sighed and said

"Promise not to tell Kidd?" stein nodded. "Well, it all started when I had really passionate hate sex with Arachne." He started and Stein nearly fell out of his chair.

"What!?" he shouted as Shinigami-sama pulled out a piece of paper and handed it to him.

"It's the note she left with Kidd when she left him on my door step." He sighed.

_YOU IDIOT DEATH GOD! I told you that you shouldn't have gone so rough! I had another friggin' baby! THAT'S 800 DAMN YOU! I can handle 799, but 800 is just 1 too many. I would've dumped him on Medusa but she has Crona to deal with. He's like 900 for the price of one! And Shaula is too stupid to know how to take care of a child. And besides, this one is your fault! TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOUR OWN ACTIONS FOR ONCE WILL YA!?_

_Sincerely_

_- Arachne_

"Well then..." Stein started

Later that day...

"Father." Kidd walked into the death room calmly

"Yes?" Shinigami-sama replied cheerily

"Stein told me an interesting story today." He started tapping his foot

"Oh no..."


	2. Shinigami's problem

"Father, why did you call us here?" Kidd asked the large robed and masked man in front of him

"Well you see, it all started when I had very passionate hate sex with Arachne." He said cheerily and every one froze.

Maka and Crona clung onto each other and shouted "I don't know how to deal with this!" while close to tears.

"WHAT!? HOLD UP BITCH! SLOW DOWN!" Black*star and Spirit said in unison. Tsubaki and Liz tried to hide their pervy smiles, Patti was laughing her head off, Soul was twitching madly and Kidd just sighed.

"Father, stop using that to answer questions, you've been doing it for the past week!" Kidd shouted angrily

MONDAY

"Father, why don't we ever get homework?"

"Well you see, it all started when I had very passionate hate sex with Arachne."

TUESDAY

"Alright Lord death, what was it you wanted to ask me?" Sid asked

"Well you see, it all started when I had very passionate hate sex with Arachne."

"WHAT!?"

WEDNSDAY

"Ms. Marie and I are here now. What is the mission you wanted to give us?" Stein tilted his head to the side.

"Well you see, it all started when I had very passionate hate sex with Arachne." Stein sighed as he caught the now unconscious death-scythe.

THURSDAY

"Did you get the coffee I requested?" Joe Buttaki asked impatiently

"Well you see, it all started when I had very passionate hate sex with Arachne."

*THUD* Stein didn't bother to catch him.

FRIDAY

"What's for breakfast Father?" Kidd yawned

"Well you see, it all started when I had very passionate hate sex with Arachne."

"Father..." He complained

PRESENT DAY

"Even when you were fighting Asura for the first time." Stein pointed out.

SOME RANDOM DAY LONG AGO

"Why do you force such rules Shiningami?" the Kishin asked mockingly

"Well you see, it all started when I had very passionate hate sex with your mother." He smiled through his mask, as Asura gawked then proceeded to shove himself into a bag of his own skin.

PRESNET DAY

"I think I have a problem..." he stated sadly


	3. Road Trip!

"DAD! Asura's scarves are getting on my side!" Kidd whines from the back seat.

"Asura, quit bothering Kidd, or so help me I will turn this car around!" Shinigami bangs his head on the dashboard. "Is there ever a time when you two aren't fighting!? Seriously, grow up!" He growled to the 15 year-old and the... century old boys in the back.

"DAD! Kidd's touching me!"

"Your scarves are asymmetrical! Hold still- Ewww! Dad! Asura licked me!"

"No I didn't, you put your hand near my tongue!"

"You filthy asymmetrical scum! I did not! Liz! Patti! Prepare to battle!" the young death god grabbed his weapon partners, firing at his brother.

The kishin on the other hand, put his hands together, and hacked up his weapon partner, making a shield of red energy, so Kidd hit everything _but _Asura.

"Ok That's it!" Shingami slammed on the brakes and got out. He went to the trunk, grabbed the five suitcases, and put them in between the two boys. "There, a barrier, now stop annoying each other, or I'll let Liz and Patti sit there, and you will go in the trunk!" He smacked the two of them lightly.

All was quiet for a good half an hour, until Shinigami heard a noise that sounded like a little girl squealing.

"What the hell Asura! Don't puke your partner onto me!" Kidd shrieked as he through the weapon at Asura's face. The two brothers gagged as the car screeched to a halt.

"Out. Now." He pointed to the side walk "Liz, Patti, you may come out of weapon form." The two girls gladly did so and stretched a bit before getting in the back seat. "In the trunk." The death god grumbled as he opened the trunk. The boys sighed and climbed in, grabbing entertainment from their suitcases; Asura, a violent videogame, and Kidd, a mystery novel.

"How are you two doin back there Liz sighed as she looked over the back of her seat.

"Meh..." the boys replied simultaneously.

* * *

Sorry I'm a bit late! And sorry about the last chapter (Which i deleted an replaced with this.) I don't why I thought anyone would find that funny, i was out of ideas. If you guys are wondering how this is a collab, Fallingforwerewolves comes up with most of the ideas. But I came up with this one, and it's inspired by a fanart from an amazing artist Called Z-Raid, or Scribbly-Z. She has a tumbr and a DevinatArt, you guys should go check her out! AT least i think she's a girl...


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